Peanut Buttering

Forgetting

Memory is odd. It's one of those abilities whose lack is unfortunately considered a moral failing.

If someone has told you something dear to them and you don't remember when they ask you about it, you have wronged them. How could you forget?!

But it's not that you sat down one day and decided to forget. For most people, remembering is not active. You automatically store information when you hear it, then you retrieve it equally automatically later. So the forgetter in this situation has made no immoral choice. Their brain just failed them. And they probably feel bad too! Really, their brain has wronged both of you.

It could be that the reason we fault people for forgetting is because it indicates that the topic was never important to them. They didn't respect how important it was to you, so they didn't pay close attention (which is a choice) when they were told, and thus they never stored it away in memory and that's why they've forgotten.

This is definitely true some of the time, but not all. Some people just have worse memories, and no matter how close attention they pay, they're likely to forget. So what should they do?

Perhaps like with any weakness, the onus (again, a moral onus) is on them to develop strategies to work around it. They could study memory techniques and develop a powerful mnemonic system. Or they could physically record everything they need to remember so they can recall it later! This is a practical approach but it doesn't really mitigate the hurt that forgetting can cause if your response is "Ah, your relationship with your father. Of course I remember. Just one moment, I need to page through my notebook..."

It's a tough one. Guess we should just try to have a bit more empathy for forgetters. Blame the brain!

...

So anyway, I was crawling into bed tonight when I realized I'd completely forgotten to write a post today. Hence this post. And yet what mysterious force was it that made me remember my duty, just in time, before I'd fallen asleep? The brain giveth, and the brain taketh away.